With return to school and reduced timetable, I have found myself with some freedom for myself. Life can be so busy and mind consuming at times, it’s difficult to make time for yourself on your thoughts . With this in mind I promised myself the hours my lady was in school I would use for my self. No house work, no errands, no demands or expectations just to give myself time. For me to do what I like.
The constant scheduling and routine combined with strategies and techniques required to keep my little lady calm is so overwhelming at times. At times I have to stop and really think to myself; how can I turn the demand I want from her into a forced choice. Do I need to implement low arousal for her now? Is this behavioural or part of her autism that she can’t help control or is it part of ADHD or is she over anxious about something. It’s really never ending. It’s new learning for me I will hold my hands up and say I DID NOT HAVE A CLUE, but like everything when you have no choice but to learn and learn fast you do. I struggle with the feeling that it still feels unnatural to me as I’m still finding out and exploring how these ‘disorders’ affect her , I hate that word by the ways! And learning is good it means I will learn to do this naturally and that will only benefit my little lady and help me explain to others what does and doesn’t work and what she needs.
Anyway back to relaxing. Pppff what are they really. I go into a coma these days when I sleep as I’m so tired from the endless monkey in my brain reminding me of appts, zooms, calls to make, scripts to collect, people to chase and trying to keep on top of it all. In those earlier days when I wake my whole body aches, my shoulders feel like I’ve bench pressed my body weight, a headache when I wake. I’m constantly tired. So that is why I decided when she goes to school I need to rest .
Thanks to my amazing Life Coach Qween T we shall call her 💕and my therapist Qween M 💕I am now so I tune with myself and my body I can recognise what I need depending on my mental and physical state. Gone are the days of doing housework all day long and it still looking as bad come 6 in the evening, gone are the days of trying to fit wash after wash after wash on clothes line and gone are the days of doing it all. I stopped . ‘Farm out the shite jobs’ and I did just that I got myself a cleaner once a week .I introduced my partner to the world of grocery shopping and online delivery and have a system for towel and bedding washing, I bulk make dinners WHEN I feel I can spare that energy . Sounds so desperately boring but sometimes that’s the stuff you need to delegate. It’s the white jobs that get you use your mental and physical energy when you’re constantly running on empty. And guess what we all survived everything still looks the same and we are fed and have clean clothes and a nice home but I had to do that for me.
Now guess what I had a nap one morning last week, I walk my little doggie instead of mopping the floors, I listen to a book or crochet ,drink a WARM coffee. Anything but the shite stuff because life is too short to put yourself under pressure for those things. I am treating myself like I would a friend.