Our journey continues , moments of pure happiness that makes us smile laugh and wonder is this diagnosis even true and moments of pure heartbreaking desperation that stops me in my tracks and floors me both literally and metaphorically .
I have blog about our journey through diagnosis and seeking help and supports for my daughter and as much as I am proud to say I see some real progress in some areas. Other areas are much the same emotional and behaviour wise. The violence and verbal assaults are back with a bang. I’ve learned not to try spend too much time trying to find triggers as there often isn’t one .
We have had a private diagnosis this year and had to got through the public system here in Ireland called CAMHS ( child and adult mental health services). Which to date I personally have not found helpful. I’ve decided to try explain through a little ditty and really to try get my heartbreak and upset out so I can carry on and remain as strong as I can for her.
This is for me to look back at in years,
about our life with ADHD through laughter and tears .
The confusion, the assessments, the meetings and reports,
the mix of professionals who I had hoped would share a common cohort.
D day said diagnosis
is combined ADHD.
But now you’ll need to go public
for help don’t you see.
Armed with report
I did the next step.
Got our referral,
then sat and wept.
Why had this happened
had I missed the signs all along.
Was it my fault,
where had I gone wrong.
Was it her birth,
she arrived fast and quick.
Or was it the time
she passed out when she was sick.
The Questions and doubts
fly round my brain
like a roundabout hosting a lightening fast train.
I MUST REMAIN Calm
I MUST REMAIN Strong
She needs me even more now ,I can’t get this wrong!!..
I reach for support in familar places and new
see angst and pity on their faces,
but I cant seem to get through.
Anxiety talks, books, webinars and the daily flower drop,
My brain is screaming wont someone help
and make this stop.
I held out in hope ,this new professional will try
and wait in worry as 6 more months go by.
Behaviors are bad, Violence is here.
NVR training and patience and try make it safe here.
Then comes the call,
I’ve prayed I would hear,
someone who can help ,
and guide us back to a path ,more clear.
But wait he thinks the reports wrong,
Theres no ADHD.
She just a bit of a brat don’t you see.
Do you eat breakfast,
Use your phone in bed?
Do you take exercise?
I couldnt believe what was being said.
I tried to be clear, maintain my compusure .
I didn’t agree and was glad when it was over.
Treat the anxiety and
Tell her No.
Heres some drtugs and
now you may go!
I left in a daze,
shocked, worried and upset.
How could he say that
He hadn’t taken time to even meet her yet.
She is my daughter, deserves so much more,
which is the right path and what will it have in store.
I’m gathering my courage,
pulling from my tribe so dear.
I know this is unacceptable and
I must take a stand here.
Back to the start
after all we had done.
We need another private opinion and
through my research,
Ive know just the one.
The wait starts again,
this familiar limbo land calls loud.
But I cant accept this and not because im too proud.
ADHD is the root,
Where we need to treat is part of the brain,
We deal with it daily and
see how it effects her and causes emotional pain.
This is a short sum up of our journey to date, my hope for you is your path is an easier one to take…